Nicolas Winding Refn directed Drive, which I really liked, so I picked up one of his earlier movies - Valhalla Rising. Holy shit. What a mistake. This piece of crap teetered between boring stillness and unwatchable gore, all set to annoying and ponderous music, until I no longer cared about trying to finish the film. But I did. It did not improve. I have heard this movie has a cult following, which makes me worry about society in general. Who is the target here? Testosterone-loaded teenage boys? I really hope not.
Mads Mikkelsen (the bad guy from Casino Royale who cried blood) plays a caged prisoner somewhere in a Nordic country in about 1000 AD. He is uncaged only to fight to the death. He is reportedly from Hell. He escapes, picking up his signature hatchet, meets up with some Christians on their way to the Holy Land. He is mute, so we have no idea what he is thinking or why he goes along. The ship hits doldrums, One Eye (that's what they call him) kills some people, then they hit land. He kills more people. He builds a rock altar. He pictures himself in Hell. Everyone around him dies. It's really shit.
Refn wrote this, but not Drive. I will make every effort to never watch another movie written by this man.
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